Jodi's birth of Hanna

 

It was Friday 15th December 2006, I had an appointment with the Royal Women’s Hospital for a check-up and to be booked in for an induction, as I was already 5 days overdue.  

 

The check up was going fine until I mentioned to the midwife that I hadn’t felt much movement in the last 24hrs.  She said I would be required to have a scan to check the baby. The fetal heart scan was fine, however when they checked the level of the amniotic fluid, it was low. The midwife then said “is there anyone you need to call? You need to have this baby today, your placenta is no longer working!!”  Oh my god, what did that mean exactly, I was absolutely shattered, I called my husband and burst into tears.

 

By this stage it was early afternoon.  After speaking with my husband I was taken upstairs to one of the birthing suites where the first part of the induction process started, with the application of prostaglandins gel.  Wearing a hospital gown and feeling very un-empowered and at the mercy of the system, I waited for the next hour for Derek to arrive.  A cocktail of emotions overtook my body, excitement I was going to finally give birth, upset that I was having an intervention, nervousness and disappointment that I was alone (an hour is a long time in a labour ward). Derek arrived and for the next 6 hours or so we sat around, we went for walks and waited for something to happen.  Unfortunately the next thing to happen was the second application of the gel.  A few hours later I was checked to see how dilated I was, disappointment again, I was not dilated enough and the midwife confirmed that I would be booked in for the second stage of induction, the Syntocinon drip at 8am the next morning.  She told us that Derek would have to go home and that I would be moved for the evening to the maternity ward.  It was past midnight by this stage and we were both devastated.  Please don’t separate us at this precious time, I was like I said un-empowered and unaware of my choices and soon to be alone again.  Derek leaving was quite traumatizing, I was finding it difficult to hold it together and just wanted to cry.  I had trusted that my body would birth and it wasn’t and I didn’t know what to do.  I was moved down to the maternity ward with all the new mums.

 

Muffling my sorrow and angst, I diverted my energy inwards trying desperately to speak with my baby and call on his/her spirit, trying to ground myself and visualize the moment we would meet.  A few sleepless hours passed before I started to experience backpain, unsure if this was the start of my labour or just the uncomfortable bed I kept applying my heatpack and pacing.  The pain continued to get worse and I needed to have contact with someone so I walked down to the nurses station and asked if I was able to go upstairs to the birthing suites and use the bath, they told me “no” I was not allowed to as it was used for women in labour.  So I must not have been in labour then?  I decided to have a shower instead.  I ended up having three showers and I was finding it difficult to stand, I needed to relax, so I leant on the shower wall.  Many times I approached the nurses to be advised to try and rest.  As dawn broke I started feeling frustrated and uncomfortable in my skin, there was no relief.  Derek arrived during my transition, as soon as I saw him I fell into a heap, I was hot and frustrated and started to rip off my hospital gown.  Derek tried to soothe my back pain with massage and gentle touch but at times it felt worse.  I just wanted to be in a space that I could move, I felt like a caged animal in that ward with 5 other women.  Derek timed my contractions. I think by this stage he said they were 1 1/2 minutes apart and lasting for 1 minute.  A midwife arrived and I was taken upstairs (in a wheelchair, which was ridiculous because I couldn’t sit down!).  

 

When we got into the room, my original birth plan was thrown out the window and opted for pain relief in the form a pethidine.  This was without a doubt the worst decision I made.  It didn’t stop the pain necessarily it just stopped me from caring about the pain.  I remember looking over at Derek who was standing near the window and feeling so very disappointed AGAIN and upset that I was now in la la land unable to be present for the birth of our first child.  At that point I made a conscience decision to try and pull myself out of this drug haze that I was in.  I was trying to talk and have conversations with Derek and the midwife, who was urging me to rest and relax.

 

An epidural was the next thing I remember agreeing to.

 

Then it was time to push.  I could still feel a slight butterfly effect from the contractions but needed guidance from the midwives, as to when to push.  I remember hearing they were going to get the vacuum extraction, and I kept saying I didn’t want that to happen to my baby.  I just started to push and push, unfortunately they did put the vacuum on (the midwife assured me I did most of the pushing though! Not sure if she said that to make me feel better or if I really did).

 

A beautiful baby girl was placed on my breast.  Nothing else mattered, everything else was so insignificant, we had a healthy wonderful baby girl, Hannah Matilda Fagan.  How precious and amazing, we are a family, I just gave birth.

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